I’m very aware of his ‘Marmite effect’ but I choose to be woken every weekday morning to the dulcet tones of Chris Evans and his ‘upbeat’ take on life.
This morning as I was continuing to listen on the drive to work, there was a quote on Pause for Thought – “a healthy relationship is one where an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences”. Yes!
When we think about successful relationships, a basic understanding of our different personality types is important. I’m a high ‘wind’ who loves to talk, get it all out there and I process my thoughts by verbalising them. I’m the sort of person who speaks first and thinks later. My partner on the other hand is a high ‘earth’ who processes things internally, speaks little and prefers to bury his feelings rather than share them with the world, or even me! These very different ways we have of communicating affects the way we both prefer to discuss issues and resolve conflicts.
Other couples rather than being opposites, may have personalities that are very similar to each other and this will impact their communication and conflict in other ways. Perhaps both are very fiery and the effect is a bit like internal combustion. Or they may be Waters who avoid conflict and often hide their own feelings, fearful of causing problems. These couples may hold on to resentment without sharing or showing any negative feelings to each other. Two Winds are likely to struggle with a lack of structure and issues may arise around the practicalities of life together – who is going to put the rubbish out, change the bedding or clean the bathroom.
We’ve all seen those couples, usually they’ve been together for decades, interviewed for magazines or a documentary who swear there’s never been a cross word between them. Most of us wonder how this could be possible when we look at our own relationship.
While understanding our different personality types is useful and an appreciation of the different emotional needs that each partner has will always be helpful, there are definitely principles that can be applied to all couples to help manage conflict.
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